MyDad Blog Page

My Dad Book - my first Dad Book was given to me by Patrick, then two other sons gave them to me so I decided to make this web-site. 

From its name you can see that Trish can add to it too .. and even you kids?

Dad’s Stories .. Dad’s Words.

Me: John Francis, (John) - Born 17th June 1942 - Lower Hutt, New Zealand.

My Dad (who I called Pop as he had called his dad Pop): Francis Henry, (Frank) - Born 2nd March 1910 - Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia.

My Mum (who I called Boffin): Winifred Madge, (Wyn) Bell - 17th November 1915 - Invercargill, New Zealand.

* DAD what kind of house did you grow up in and what was the old neighbourhood like?

I grew up in the Hutt Valley, near the lovely Hutt River reserve and the Normandale hills; these were great places to play and run with my dad's dog Roy. We had a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom weatherboard house with a tin roof and a large veranda which Pop turned into a 4th bedroom. We had a big vegie garden and ate a lot of our own produce. And lots of flowers. Boff loved gardening; I think Pop found it satisfying but did it because he had to. (I'm so very glad that Tig is such a keen and lovely gardener). I kept chooks for some years so we had eggs and meat. Our living room (which we called the dining room), had a slow combustion coal fire which was kept burning for the whole winter. It was often bleak and cold in Lower Hutt in wintertime. There was an old dear next door, a widow. We called her Narnie. I used to do lots of chores for her and would often pop over there every day. I was about 10 when we got our first fridge. We didn't get TV until Dee passed her School Certificate. It was a quiet suburban neighbourhood, not posh.

* DAD when you were a kid, what was your favourite holiday, and how did your family celebrate it?

* DAD which were your favourite pets, and what made them special?

I read a Swallows and Amazons book by Arthur Ransome where there was a parrot on a Chinese junk and it was called Bud (for "bird"). I got a budgerigar and called him Bud. I would close the windows and let him out and he would fly all round the room and land on my shoulder. He never learned to talk but was fun.

We also had a family cat called Champagne, his fur was that soft pinky straw colour you see in champagne. He liked me and would sleep on my bed. I found out that I was a cat person. About 5 years after coming to Australia I went back to visit my family and Chammy was all over me; whenever I was at the house he would not let me out of his sight. Mostly cats are quite aloof and you're not sure what they are thinking; but not Chammy for those 2 weeks!

Years later in Scarborough, W.A. I had another cat, half Siamese, called Sarah Black Cat. She was a good friend when I was single.

Pic of me, Anne and Dee 1950:

* DAD what's your favourite memory of your dad? Your mum?

My relationship with my dad was not easy. After school my mum, my sisters and I would relax, play music and games and have fun. When we heard the garage door, silence would fall on the household and we would all settle down. We were afraid of my dad. He was very messed up by WWII where he was a navigator on bombers; he was the guy who would get the aircraft to the bombing zone then pull the trigger to release the bombs. Our parents had travelled on their honeymoon and had had a grand time in Germany and fun with the people they met. They did not have precision bombing like now; Pop's plane may get to the bomb zone but miss with the bomb and hit something else. No wonder he was mixed up. Eventually his plane came down in France and he was captured by the Germans; he escaped and made it back to England. He was considered to be a war hero by many; now that I am over my anger towards him, and have been able to fully forgive him (and thereby been set free from all bitterness towards him), I do too. He had some hard decisions to make, he chose duty before himself, then persevered regardless of the risks and difficulties until the job was done. 

Pop was awarded the Member of the British Empire medal for some intelligence he gathered, this is a high honour and he and Boff were regularly invited to events with the Governor General! But he never became successful in his work, either financially or professionally; he always worked for himself and it was always a struggle. I don't know much about my parents marriage but I think it had plenty of tough times.

My favourite memory of Pop is when he was dying. He was in N.Z. at Waikanae, and we were at Rainbow Downs in Mumballup. He was in hospital and the hospital Registrar told me he would soon be up and about. But his sister, Aunt Margaret, insisted that he was dying and the only thing he wanted was that I visit him. My boss at Worsley Alumina was fantastic and had the company arrange flights. I was there very quickly and spent an afternoon with him. When the nurses said I had to leave I refused so they brought in a LazyBoy and I stayed the night. He couldn't talk so I told him about Trish and you kids and we had a great time. We forgave each other. I discovered that he was very proud of me. Next morning he died peacefully, I spent time with him and believe his spirit was still in the room and we could communicate. I prayed and read Scripture, particularly Psalms. I believe that although he had been a Freemason and was not a very overt Christian, he is in Heaven with Jesus now, so for me, his funeral was a time of rejoicing.

I loved my mum very much. Everybody loved her in the same way that everyone loves your mum Trish. 

We were very happy in each other's company, so every memory of her is good. When I was traveling (mid 1977 ‘til late 1980), we corresponded a lot and I phoned sometimes, (no email or mobile phones in those days). This was good. I had two birthdays in England, both times she sent me a cheque and told me to buy "something English which will last forever". The first time I bought a print from Christies (the famous auctioneers), it's in our sitting room, the thatched cottage by the reed pond. The second birthday I got a season thicket to the London Proms, and went every night (but one) for 35 days or so. I still remember with joy those many events in the Albert Hall and especially the Last Night of the Proms, being with the promenaders in front of the stage!

* DAD what's the best thing your dad or your mum taught you?

Pop taught me to shoot when I was very young and gave me a single barrel, single shot .410 shotgun for my 10th birthday. Very precious memories. I think that he also taught me to be honourable and of good character; to be worthy of myself; to stick to what I know is right. With these two qualities comes an underlying self respect and confidence. Now I have my (very strong) identity in Jesus and believe that my early life prepared me for this.

Boffin taught me to love, and to cook. At Sea Scouts the food was pretty awful so I complained to my mum. She said that basic cooking was easy and set about showing me how to buy food and prepare it and cook it. About quantities and timing and seasoning. Wonderful. I still love to cook, and to eat! Often I am privileged to prepare meals for large groups, particularly family; this is one of the great joys of my life. I believe that she also taught me, through her very simple faith, that God is, and that this helped me cope with the world and, eventually, to become Christian.

* DAD what rules did your parents have, and which ones drove you crazy?

* DAD what are one or two things you did that you didn't tell your parents about?

Smoking and sex !!  

* DAD what was your relationship like with your family when you were growing up?

* DAD what traits do you have that your parents also had? And which side of your family do you most resemble?

* DAD when you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? When you were a teenager? When you were a young adult?

For a long time I wanted to be in the Navy. Pop, Uncle Bruce and Uncle Arthur fought in WWII; Arthur spent his (exciting) career in the Air Force. After the war there were lots of books and movies about those terrible years and all the boys I knew gobbled them up. I considered it to be a privilege to serve one's Queen and country with the "Good guys" and help keep order in the world where there were, and still are, plenty of bad people and regimes.

Then I discovered babies. One of Pop's Air Force friends had a stud farm where he produced pedigree sheep; he made most of his income selling the rams (boy sheep) to other farmers. Lambing time was always critical as each baby was potentially very valuable. Pop got me a job working as a shepherd one August school holidays. I had to learn to ride a horse and manage sheep dogs. I also had to learn how to help distressed ewes birth their lambs! Every time I saw a new life come into the world I nearly exploded, it was just so glorious! And to have helped many of the mothers added to the wonder of it. When I got back to school I told my teaches what I had been doing and that I wanted to be a doctor specialising in obstetrics; sadly they had to tell me I was not smart enough to be a doctor!

I pursued farming as my career. After two years working on a Taranaki dairy farm I realised that without significant family help it would be just too tough to buy a property, and also that I did not want to work on another family's land or be an Ag Department adviser. 

So I decided to be an accountant, like Pop. Through that I "fell" into a career in IT. This gave me many exciting and challenging projects, and it sustained me and our family for decades. It also enabled me to work here in Australia and in England and the United States. As a young man I was working for a NZ firm who needed some accounting equipment; the most suitable machines came with new digital features. I was the odd-job person in the office so this was added to my work list. The vendors saw that I took to it like a duck to water and I flew through all their aptitude tests.

Not long after that I moved to the wild mining country in Australia's Northwest to work and save money for a world back-packing trip. Hammersley Iron, who had a "recruit from within" policy, were looking to set up their first IT department and I scored one of the positions as trainee computer programmer. Computers in commercial businesses were still very rare in those days so I was very blessed to have such an opportunity! Soon I showed that I had a real flair for designing and building data bases and computer systems to solve complex business problems. My end-users loved my systems because they did their job well, and were reliable, and were delivered on time. I loved my work! It is a great blessing to by satisfied by one's work.

* DAD who were your best friends from childhood, and what were they like?

When I think of my school years and early youth I think mostly of Gus and Nick.

Gus and I met at school. His name is Russell but he was so gussy that everyone called him Gus. I did not like him, or him me. But because we were both "good" kids we were sat together at the back of the classroom. We had so much fun. It was chaos. Not a good teacher decision! Gus is an architect and has built some amazing houses, bars and offices. I grew to love architecture, it is all to do with belonging (which humans need). Several years after leaving N.Z. and coming to W.A. I went on holidays to N.Z., mainly to see my mum. I felt fat so lost many pounds (kilos), and bought lots of really cool clothes, (I remember a gorgeous cream crepe shirt). Gus had built his own house and we arranged a visit. I got there and it was as though we had been together a day or two ago. Decades later, Trish and Trish and I visited Gus and Gill (I was their best man), for lunch and it was just the same. True friendship.

Nick's name is Michael but one Scout camp he was sprung running around naked, (we called it "in the nick"), so a name change was in order. Our dads met while training for the Air Force for World War II. Nick's family are Jewish. Nick and I became very good friends, (I was best man at his wedding too). I was often at their house and included in their greeting of "shalom". Now I realise that they were honouring me and our friendship by giving me such a profound greeting, a greeting which came from the very roots of their understanding of life, a greeting which includes a blessing of fullness, peace and completion, all the blessings of God. After school Nick and I got jobs on farms just a few miles apart near Urenui in Taranaki. He became a farmer. We have lost touch over the years.

My brother Warren has become a dear friend. He was born before my mum met my dad and was a secret until a decade or so ago. My mum was seduced by a married man and (as they did in those days), went to a home where she could live out her pregnancy and have the baby. Warren was adopted at birth and grew up with an adopted sister. He became a journalist and later the editor of a national N.Z. newspaper. He is married to his second wife, Leslie, and is a really lovely guy. We are immediately comfortable together and can talk about difficult things without conflict. Warren is at least five years older than me. Trish and I met and stayed with his daughter Linda and her kids Rafe and India, your cousins.

Now that I'm old I don't really have local friends like this, except perhaps for Peter Scott who I see occasionally, and more recently Lawrence Roycroft who has become a close and dear prayer friend.

* DAD what music did you grow up listening to?

Our radio was on most of the time on the classical music station. I listen to classical most of the time to this day. I really love it; but not the atonal and dissonant "modern classical" junk that seems to be popular with radio announcers. Anything Bach and Beethoven, (one time Patrick came with me to a movie about Beethoven writing his Ninth Symphony; it was great). I love Schubert's Trout Quintet. Liszt is great. The Chopin etudes (studies), Sartre’s Gymnopides. There is no end to its delight.

I am one day older than Paul McArtney (of the Beatles). Rock and roll was just beginning in my teen years. At home there was only the radio/gramophone. Records (7 inch 45 RPM or 12 inch 33 1/3 RPM vinyl) were fearfully expensive for me and I've never been to a live rock concert. But I did know all the words to all the Beatles music and still enjoy Led Zeppelin, the first 4 albums, and Pink Floyd and much else besides. Just classic rock. Not the stuff you kids listen to. I remember the tribute bands we went and saw at Perth Zoo that year we had passes. The bands whose songs they copied were so good they deserve to have other musicians pay tribute to them.

In those days, for well brought up kids, the Bible classes were the centre of "boy meets girl". Sometimes we would just have a record player in the church hall and dance and sing along. (This was before there was any such thing as a DJ). We had another radio station which would play pop music some of the time. The 2ZB "Top 10" was essential listening for kids, then we would ring each other up (free local calls) and talk about the songs and bands. Nobody could afford a tape deck, there was no way to hear a replay.

* DAD what were your favourite subjects in school, and why?

* DAD who was your favourite teacher, and why?

Miss Judd, our 5th Form (Year 10), maths teacher. I wasn't good at maths (Gus's dad was an engineer and this seemed a great career for me but my masts were not up to it), neither was Gus so we jointly got coaching from her. She was very pretty and altogether lovely. She married our phys-ed teacher and Gus and I gave them "his" and "her" pillow slips for their wedding ..

That was my School Certificate year and my SC score was 250 out of 400, and 65 of those marks were for maths, my best effort. Strangely only one kid god a higher mark than me, he was a genius and got 341. (Now why did I remember that?)

* DAD did you play a sport, and what did you like best about it?

Heaps of sports. Tennis, squash, badminton, cricket, rugby, basketball (I played for St James and in four years we went from "E" to "B" grade, we did very well and I still have a wonky knee as a reminder and walk with a limp), swimming, hiking (which we, being Kiwis, called "tramping"), fishing, shooting, golf (Gus still plays once or twice a week), rowing, and most of all, sailing.

Sailing takes a lot of skill and a certain amount of daring; it is incredible to be roaring along with everything at its limit and all wind powered. "World on Water" is definitely a favourite TV show; I record them so I can watch them again and again.

A high point in my life was my overland backpacking trip to England. I spent 3 months in Nepal, mostly hiking (we called it "trekking"), in the Himalayas. I kept renewing my visa and a double opening in my passport is full of Nepalese stamps. The highest mountain in N.Z. is Mt Cook at 12,500 feet (3810 metres), which is very high by world standards. I spent more than 7 days and nights higher than that, and climbed on peak of 16,500 feet (5030 Metres). It was fabulous. The villages and food were very primitive but the people were completely wonderful.

   

* DAD who taught you to drive, and what was your first car?

Pop and my farmer boss, Derek. 

A 1938 Austin 10 .. it was so rough it was called Hesperus, after a famous wreck! It was blue and as bits wore out or failed I just took them off. I have a little dent on my right index finger where the gearbox fell unexpectedly when I was replacing the clutch plate, I can still remember how grateful I was that I did not lose my whole finger - I'd just moved my hand when the assembly let go and dropped .

* DAD did you ever win an award you were proud of, and what was it in honour of?

The only trophy I ever received was the brass shell case from a 4 inch army gun. It was second prize in our school shooting competition with .303 rifles at Trentham, the N.Z. Army shooting range near Wellington. We were about half way through and I was just blazing away and enjoying myself when I realised that I was way better than just about everybody. I then tried hard to win and came runner up; good thing too, the winner got a cup for a year. I'm delighted to say that I still have my shell case.

The Scouts have a "Master Cook" badge which I easily won. From time to time we would put on a feast for all the kids and their families. Twice I was asked to be chief cook, and both times I was awarded a "Master Cook" badge because it was such a success. So I had three. It's delightful how these memories still give you a glow.

"Queen Scout" is the highest achievement in Boy Scouts. Not many make it, but I did. It lasts a lifetime, so I am still a "Queen's Scout". Bless you Elizabeth II.

* DAD what was the worst trouble you got into when you were younger?

Trouble: Police

Gus was building a house and heard about a demolition so checked it out after work when no-one was there. He saw a great stair banister. He rushed round to get me and we went and pulled the banister apart and were loading up his car when the cops arrived. We were taken to the police station and it was looking very serious. But the house owner said Gus could have the banister for a very modest price and the cops let us go, so as not to spoil our good names.

Trouble: Crashes

I was in quite a number of pretty bad car crashes. One girl looked as though she had a bad back injury but within a couple of weeks she was fine. This was way before I knew Jesus but He was looking after me even then.

Trouble: Drowning

I've nearly drowned three times. It is true that your life flashes before your mind's eye as you come near to the end; I found it a peaceful experience, perhaps because my life has been full, rich and satisfying. Clearly, I survived these three events!

Two of those times I was trying to drag somebody out of the surf. I reached the point where I knew we were both lost and I went through the terrible thoughts that I would have to abandon my friend and try to save myself. Then my toes touched the sand and I found the energy to continue the struggle. Grace. At the last possible minute my lovely Jesus, who I did not know, rescued me. Twice. Years apart and in different countries. Grace.

The third near drowning happened when Tom and I were body surfing in some pretty good waves. We soon realised we were in a rip, we did not know where the rip would take us so began the struggle for shore. Tom was still in his teens but he was tall and strong. Once again I thought I was finished but Tom's determination, size and strength got us out. I was Christian by this time and we stood on the beach, half crying and also yelling out praises to Jesus at the top of our voices, our Shield and our Rock! What grace! I have tears in my eyes as I type this ..

Trouble: Smoking

In 1988 I was healed of smoking; I didn't really quit, I was completely set free from it. I've never wanted another cigarette! This healing was from Jesus alone, no doctors were involved at all. Decades of heavy smoking had caused COPD which still limits my lung capacity and performance, but this is livable; my Respiratory doctor no longer needs to check me regularly.

Trouble: Melanoma

Jesus and many doctors have healed me from 4 melanoma cancers, the last was in 2006. Melanoma is often said to be the worst cancer; parts of the tumour will break off and travel through the blood stream to another part of your body and begin to grow there. I think doctors believe that it is impossible to survive 4 separate melanoma attacks; many doctors laugh in surprise when they read my medical history for the first time. I still get thoroughly checked 2 or 3 times a year for skin cancers and have heaps of scars where nasties have been cut out or frozen off.

Trouble: Diabetes

Treatment for my last melanoma cancer was tough. The surgeons took out all the cancerous tissue from my temple and then 34 lymph nodes from my upper body. There are scars under my chin which look like zips and I have a lop-sided smile. Also, my sweat system and thermostat are damaged.

My oncologist put me on Interferon (which is like chemo-therapy); I injected myself every day for almost a year; it was a painful treatment and I became very run down; this tipped me over from being pre-diabetic into full-on type 2 diabetes. Diabetes is a filthy disease; your body rots out from the inside .. your eyes begin to fail, and your circulation deteriorates, feeling goes from your legs and feet, from all your extremities, and ultimately you may need amputations! Many doctors say that diabetes is incurable, effectively a life sentence.

Apart from medications (which could do very little for me), the only defense against diabetes is diet and exercise. Praise Jesus! Trish is a Home Economics teacher and understands about food, exercise and our bodies .. She and I applied her wisdom to our lives and I am healed! I no longer get treatment for diabetes, nor do I need to be tested. All my degenerations have stopped, my ophthalmologist said my eyes have improved, then he told me I don't need to see him any more. They dropped me from the Diabetes Clinic. Hallelujah! Another miracle!

Trouble: Lost in the Mountains

Trouble: Fear and Anxiety

Those of us who were troubled by fear or anxiety were invited to come to the front at a Christian meeting. With the world in its present chaotic state, who does not fear for their family or their nation? I did, and often lay awake at night aware of my powerlessness in the face of the continuing erosion of security and of moral and cultural values. Well I did step forward, there were prayers, I knew immediately that something changed, I felt lighter.

Since then fear is defeated in me. Now, when I worry or become anxious or feel afraid, I simply call out to Jesus and it lifts off me. God has many names; one of Holy Spirit's names is "Comforter", the Comforter comes and I am free in a way I could not have believed. Another miracle!

"But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head" (Psalm 3:3).

* DAD what were your first few jobs? What did you do and do you remember how much you earned?

I sometimes worked for Pop when he had a mail-out or something big and easy. He paid 5 shillings an hour if I remember correctly. A long play record would cost £2, so represented 8 hours' work!

I worked in a gas station, biscuit factory, reinforcing steel bending plant, appliance factory, a Hurricane Boundary Fence factory, a sheep farm and a dairy farm. I made toothpaste with red stripes in it! While at Uni I was Assistant Accountant in a department store and earned $1250 per year, this was a good salary in (probably) 1966.

* DAD what was your toughest lesson in life?

Tell the truth. Be true to yourself and to others.

* DAD what is the best advice you ever received, and from whom?

One time I was staying at a friend's beach house, it was approaching sunset and we were on the beach. I saw this old couple walking along. Silver hairs. They were holding hands and talking, clearly completely comfortable with each other, richly content. Something inside me knew then that this was a vitally important lesson for me. I now realise that it was Jesus talking to me even though I would not get to know Him for another 25 years. "Treasure your wife; get a good woman and love with everything you've got, you'll never find anything more precious". 

This definitely is true of your mother. She is infinitely precious and the best souvenir from my time of traveling. The best advice I ever had. And from the wisest person in the world!

Note: "love" is a doing word, it is hard work, you need to persevere.

* DAD how did you meet Mum?

* DAD how did you spend your free time before you had kids?

* DAD what do you remember about the birth of your children?

* DAD what was it like to become a father?

* DAD what is one of your favourite memories of being a dad?

* DAD what are some of your favourite things you've done with your children?

* DAD what's the best thing about being a father? What's the hardest thing?

* DAD what advice would you pass along about being a dad?

* DAD looking back, what are some of your proudest moments in life?

* DAD who are the people you most admire, and why?

* DAD what is your favourite motto, quotation or saying? Where did you hear it?

* DAD where is the most interesting place you've ever visited, and why?

* DAD what are some ways - good and bad - the world has changed since you were a kid?

* DAD what is the craziest or most impulsive thing you've ever done?

* DAD what is your perfect day?

* DAD what are some things that you still want to do in your lifetime?

* DAD how do you want future generations of your family to remember you?

MEMORIES ARE OUR GREATEST INHERITANCE - Peter Hamill